@ 2007-01-12 – 11:37:23
Perry Fenwick is going to host a magic show in which he does the following:
Takes a plum and extracts the pip
Cracks open the plum pip to reveal a lemon pip
Cracks open the lemon pip to reveal an apple pip
This is all done with his bare hands.
Apparently it’s very good and Perry's sleight of hand is second to none.
@ 2007-01-11 – 17:16:31
David Beckham has signed to play for premier Estonian club, The Old Git Faces.
He's going to be playing up front and down the back, passing the ball with a metal spatula and hoping to score goals for the 5/7th line.
@ 2007-01-11 – 15:39:15
Arsen Wenger the French lollypop has agreed to be featured as a baddy in the new Disney Lion King Film. It's called 'Without a Wenger with Sinbad and Mowgli'. Supposed to be very good, according to the animals of Farthing Wood.
@ 2007-01-09 – 14:42:22
Two barrels made entirely of peanuts have been unveiled today at Carpet World in South Ruislip and at Courts in Thurrock. The two rival companies have been in a race to unveil the peanut monument since New Year’s Day. Both have agreed that it is a fair draw although the Courts effort is crafted to a higher degree of excellence.
@ 2006-12-28 – 12:47:05
The plumbing needs to be fixed as a leak in one of the toilets has caused a nasty bit of damp. Occurring within the Peanut Factory at Whitley's, peanut output was adversely effected. A spokesperson at the facility said that they have located the culprit, a worker at a rival peanut factory. They went on to add that rather than let the police deal with the situation they would be taking matters into their own hands.
@ 2006-12-22 – 14:09:07
Peter Schmeichel is actually a hologram with the power to both catch and repel footballs. This was integral to his success in becoming the best goalkeeping bacon farmer in the world.
@ 2006-12-22 – 14:08:55
Turnip is the new word for radiator, so says Gloria Estefan in her new song 'A piece of sugar beat'.
It's out this Thursday so snap up a copy.
@ 2006-12-22 – 10:04:51
Peter Andre's dad is Peter Sutcliffe. 'Andre' is a stage name, in the same way that Cilla Black's real name is Pricilla Queen of The Dessert Spoons. Simply a stage name, that is all.
Ian Hislop is in fact the father of Australian cricketer Ricky Ponting. Both love nothing more than a gargantuan block of cheddar cheese.
@ 2006-12-22 – 09:57:07
A 32 year-old man from Slough has been charged with looking focused and determined. He is due to be sentenced later on today at Reading Crown Court.
Simon Fishlater was arrested early on Thursday morning for conducting himself in a focused manner. Witnesses say that they saw Mr Fishlater "walking up and down the street like he owned the place". The suspect claims he was "trying to remember" where he "parked", and attempted to pass off his threatening manoeuvering along the road as mere "concentration".
These claims have been rubbished by the Police, and they expect Mr Fishlater to serve a minimum of 4 life sentences followed by a trip to the Zoo if he's a good boy.
This is just another example of the growing trend known "street walking", wherein people parade up and down streets as if they were planning on travelling by foot. Such practices have not been used since the late 1640's.
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