SWEDES BOMB IRAQ WITH GIANT FISH BOMB.... DARIUS VASSEL SCALES EVEREST WEARING STILTS MADE OF TIN... MINERS TRAPPED IN ROCKFALL CAUSED BY A BIRD PECKING AT THE EARTH.... NEW WASHING POWDER INVENTED... PELICAN CROSSINGS TO BE OUTLAWED... JOHN MAJOR MADE KING OF ICELAND... NEW TAX INTRODUCED ON JUMPING AND SPINNING... MAN SENT TO PRISON FOR EATING PASTA... OLD LADY LEAVES ONE MILLION POUND INHERITANCE TO THE PEBBLEDASH ON THE SIDE OF HER HOUSE... RARE COLLECTION OF TEAPOTS SOLD FOR £2... TERRY WAITE LOOSES HIS UMBRELLA WHILST OUT FOR A WALK... GOAT RUNNING DOWN MOTORWAY CAUSES MASSIVE PILEUP... NEW BIG WHEEL AT ALTON TOWERS POWERED BY PEANUTS... GROUP OF YOUTHS ATTACKED BY MERMAN AND MERMAID WITH TRIDENTS... AN APPLE HAS BEEN DISCOVERED HOUSING A SMALL INFESTATION OF FIELD MICE... SOME PEOPLE GET ALL THE LUCK DON'T THEY... LOLLYPOP LADY WINS LONDON MARATHON DRESSED AS A LOLLYPOP LADY... COATHANGER CHEWED UP BY RABID DOG.... CAR CALLED ‘KENNETH CLARKE EGG’ CLOCKED AT 105MPH…SEARCH FOR MISSING FELT TIP PENS CONTINUES… WOMAN DIES AFTER CEMENT IS USED IN HER BIRTHDAY CAKE… ACTION URGED OVER PRICE OF HARIBO… CASTLE MADE OF ROCK BASHED DOWN BY THUGS ON SPACEHOPPERS… THE DUKE OF KENT HAS ANNOUNCED HE WILL BE GETTING HIS HAIRCUT AND HAVING A SHAVE ON THE SAME DAY… PERRY MASON IS INVESTIGATING A MURDER… SAFEWAYS ANNOUNCE NEW PRODUCT LINE MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUT…VANDALS WRECK A TRAFFIC CONE ON M25… ORINOKO (PINOCCIO’S DAD) HAS HAD HIS NAILS CLIPPED BY A HERMIT CRAB…PEDESTRIAN OUTRAGE AT PLANS TO SCRAP PAVEMENTS…