Pint sized prick Tom Cruise has finally admitted that Scientology is "a big joke that got a little bit out of hand".
Cruise, 78, is in all reality a Mormon. Katie Holmes is the 14th wife, and he has 68 children by his various ladies.
Scientology has always baffled the press with its bizarre rituals, strange practices and weird goings-on. At one point it was purported that Scientology was the square root of 5, but that has since been disproved. The real square root of 5 is 6.
Cruise will publicly announce the hoax at a press conference later today. It is expected that he will lay on a huge spread of cocktail sausages (named after his 1954 blockbuster "Cocktail Sausage"), spam rolls (named after his 1984 blockbuster "Top Gun") and scotch eggs.
Scotch Eggs aren't named after anything. They are simply eggs prepared in a scotch manner.